Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
