I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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