Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
