I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
