theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
