I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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