Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
