So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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