I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
