I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
