i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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