im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
