guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
