the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
