I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize