bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
