I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
