The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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