Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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