He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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