I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
