I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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