Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
