Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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