I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
