yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
