I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
