I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
