You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
