the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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