You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
