Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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