normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
