Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
