My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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