i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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