Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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