I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
