Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
