Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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