Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
