it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
