as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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