I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
