She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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