Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
