I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
