She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
