You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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