Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
