i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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