he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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