How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
