He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
