Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
