In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
