Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
