like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
