Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
