i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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