It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
