I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize