He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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